emadsen wrote: ↑Fri Oct 02, 2020 2:54 am
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Andrew. It's refreshing to hear someone speak so directly from the heart. I marvel at what you've built with Ethereal. You should be very proud of yourself. I don't feel qualified to weigh in on the technical aspects of neural networks and how, combined with open source projects, they're altering our cherished hobby of chess engine programming. I'll address the emotional issue instead- in your words, feeling "disheartened."
For the most part, I believe a competitive nature is a good personal quality. It drives a person to improve themselves. That was on vivid display a few months ago, in a trip down memory lane, watching Michael Jordan in The Last Dance documentary. Reminded me how absolutely in awe I was of his talents and his competitive drive. I have never seen an athlete as competitive and focused as Jordan, nor have I seen another athlete who could raise the level of play among his teammates- not to the degree Jordan could. Yes, the documentary illustrates some corrosive aspects of his personality, but what's depicted is overwhelmingly positive. So yes, competitiveness is admirable.
However, it is inextricably connected to a need to be praised. This reliance on the attitudes- or obsequiousness- of others can be harmful. You're basically giving away the keys to your self-esteem to other people. People who may not have your best interest in mind. People who may cheat to get the praise they desire- stealing it from you. So, like most things in life, it's a balancing act: Find a profession or hobby where you can direct your energies towards competition. Find friends, a spouse, family where you can give instead of conquer. Balance the two or you'll be miserable.
Thanks Erik. Its always nice to hear from you. Life balance is a challenge. Based on my post, its pretty clear I don't have much of that balance. At a time in my life I did, but some unfortunate events later and now I feel my best bet is to throw myself at one thing at a time. Its disappointing when you finally leave that one thing, but its rewarding while apart of it.
emadsen wrote: ↑Fri Oct 02, 2020 2:54 am
Are they disheartened, though? Do they leave? I believe this is only true at the upper echelons. Easy for me to say with a middling 2500 engine, while you've built Ethereal into a monster and are up in the stratosphere competing with a huge crowd-sourced engine, a historically strong commercial engine, and unacknowledged clones. What you experience up there in the clouds may not be representative of us down here. I can only speak for myself: I dabble with my engine occasionally to satisfy my intellectual curiosity. To engage in a form of programming very different from my day-to-day business programming.
You are likely correct, and these threads over the last week or two give pretty good evidence of that. Perhaps I am one of few that are concerned, as I've taken to doing this at a competitive level, with competition being the intent. Ethereal may have started as a pure hobby project, but its a lot deeper than that now.
emadsen wrote: ↑Fri Oct 02, 2020 2:54 am
I've been working on Ethereal for 60hrs a week for the last 6 years.
This concerns me. Are you employed? You obviously are a talented programmer, so I assume you are. If so, this suggests you're burning the candle at both ends. How long can that last?
Sorry to get all philosophical on you. I hope in the near future you can find a healthy mindset and mix of activities (chess programming or otherwise) to satisfy your desire to compete and win and a need to connect and share. Because, like it or not, redressing the wrongs that have occurred in competitive chess engine programming is likely a futile exercise. People will always cheat to boost their fragile self-esteem, harming you in the process.
I've worked on and off, while doing School on and off. I finally abandoned University a few years ago, as I felt that even though I was 3/4ths of the way done, it was not worth the grief. I was working for a U.S. defense company for a while, which is actually when I wrote most of Ethereal. I was not quite a full time employee, not quite an intern. I worked 40 hours a week on a salary, but the work I received was sparse. Plenty of downtime. Its when I wrote OpenBench, and its when I wrote Ethereal's tuning core.
I'm working again now -- for chess.com actually. Its a juggling act, one which I'm losing, since I can't do 60 hours of Ethereal and 40 hours of work and 20 hours of family and 40 hours of sleep. Something has to go, and I'm pretty keen on all 4.